The Messiest Moments…

…are the ones that make you laugh hardest after they happen. Am I right, or am I right?

Having a baby brings messes.  There’s just no way around it.  There are many evenings that I marvel at our play room after it’s been cleaned up, and 10 minutes after the kids are awake the following morning, all of our cleaning up is for naught- it’s a mess again.  But that just means they are playing and happy.  And the laundry…oh, the laundry.  There are few moments when I can say “I’m caught up on the laundry.”  As a family of five AND a newborn in the mix, there’s always something to wash.

But all the best stories, it seems, revolve around poop.  Poop puts a whole new spin on every aspect of a story because, well… there’s poop involved.  And it always shows up when you least expect it.

Case in point:  Meet Emily.  I’ve taken to calling her Em. 

 (above photo by my friend, Jenna)

She’s our #3 baby.  The one who completes our family. 

She is delicious.  She smiles, giggles and coos right now more than I remember our other two doing- or perhaps I’m just soaking it up more because I know once she stops I won’t have that in my life in the same way ever again {insert tears here}.

(newborn photo by LifeArt Photography)

She is, essentially a perfect baby.  The first few weeks were rough, but that was more just us getting used to a new baby again, recovering from labor, etc.  She’s so easy.  I can leave her on the floor in her little play bed for long stretches of time.  She grabs her toes, rolls over and is generally cute unless she’s tired or hungry.

(photo by my Dad, with his iPhone)

There’s just one problem.  Emily poops.  Well, every baby poops, so I should preface that with another statement:  Emily doesn’t poop very often, but when she does, it’s explosive.  It’s everywhere.  And it’s always at a really inconvenient time.   Always.

Case in point #1:

My parents were visiting from out of town.  Emily was just about three months old.  We dropped our two older kids, Jack and Anna, off at preschool and headed out to have breakfast at one of our favorite local places, the Hash House A-Go-Go.  Amazing food.  Great location.  Amazing food.  Did I mention the amazing food?  My husband went in late to work so he could come because we’ve only tried going with kids once and it just wasn’t as fun, so he wanted in on the deliciousness.

We got to Hash House and ordered our food.  Emily slept happily in her car seat and slept through the entire meal- it was awesome.  As we were finishing I looked over at her car seat, which was sideways in the booth, so I couldn’t see in.  I saw her little feet kicking, so I leaned over and popped her pacifier back in her mouth.  Seconds later I saw it fly out of her mouth and her feet gyrating and I realized, “Oh dear.  It’s the move.”  That move they do when they are uncomfortable.

I stood up and went over to look at her more closely and then I saw it.  Emily was wiggling and squirming because she was swimming in a sea of her own poop.  It was everywhere.  And if you’re thinking, “Oh, it couldn’t have been that bad,” let me tell you:  I could have ladled the stuff out of the seat.  Ladle.   I looked at my mom and we headed to the bathroom.  We were in there for about 15 minutes.  I had to throw her clothes away, and there was definitely poop in her hair.  Definitely.  Later, when we got home, I had to completely disassemble her car seat so I could sanitize it with wipes and wash all fabric contents.  There was even poop in the car seat base which means…. it LEAKED THROUGH THE SEAT.  It was, in a word, disgusting.  I know, I know- infant breast milk poop is not that bad, but it’s still POOP.

Case in point #2:

We went to the library just a few days ago.  As I put Emily in my Ergo carrier (love the Ergo!) and got ready to buckle her in, I could smell it.  She hadn’t pooped for 3 days.  I knew it was coming.  But at the library?  Really?!   I undid the Ergo, but it was too late.  Stain on the Ergo.  Emily looked at me with those blue eyes as if to say, “I feel sooooo much better.”  Lovely.  I had to change her on the floor of our Odyssey, and I used about half a pack of baby wipes.  I’m sure there is poop on the floor of our van somewhere.  There has to be.  But the real kicker of this particular story?  I forgot about the stain on the Ergo.   So the next day, as I’m in a public place getting ready to strap her in, I see it- that mustardy-yellowy-brownish color.  “What’s that?” I asked myself.  “Oh, right.  It’s a poop stain.”  Lovely.  “Hey everyone, check out my nice Ergo, complete with… poop stain.”

I love you, Emily.  I love you with every ounce of my being.  You are wonderful.  I do not, however, love your poop.

Love,

Mommy

I received information about Clorox’s Bleach It Away campaign and am sharing my messy moment for the chance to win prizes from The SITS Girls. To learn more about the messy moment program, check out www.BleachItAway.com.  Sharing your story on the Clorox fan page gets you entered for the chance to win $25,000 and daily prizes, and you can grab a coupon for Clorox® Regular Bleach.